I wrote this back in 2017 and for some reason never published it? I’m not sure what was going on with me 6 years ago to just let this sit in the drafts…but here we are.
It’s no surprise to long time readers, or even new folks who have scrolled enough…I let this space languish for a long time. Creativity ebbs and flows…I actually think I may have written this and saved it for a time when the creativity wasn’t flowing. I’ve never been super strict with a posting schedule around here and things have been SO HEAVY the past few years. I just needed to put something down. I regret saying that this blog was an easy thing to put down.
I went to dinner with a (newer-ish; it’s weird, don’t ask) friend recently and they told me they had read a lot of my blog and wanted to ask me about my experiences and the things I wrote about. I was surprised this person had found this space, even though it is linked on my social media and pops up if you google my name…but their interest in it made me revisit this space. And made me start missing it. Missing this space, alongside with my disillusionment with social media as it currently exists made me start thinking. Last week, I had something important and candid to share - and just didn’t feel like Facebook, Twitter, or a cringy long ass IG caption were the right medium…so here we are. We’re back, baybeeeeeeee.
I’m not sure what this next incarnation of my life as a blogger looks like, I’m just taking it easy and enjoying having a corner to call my own and share it with y’all. Anyway, enjoy some aged ruminations about my appearance and micro-agressions.
I don't think I'll ever forget having my high school senior portraits taken. First of all, I had spent the previous three days lamenting having taken my box braids down. Box braids were my high school go-to hair style, but my mom and I agreed we didn't want them in the milestone photo. I was not crazy about my moisture absorbing hair, even if it went half way down my back when straight.] Secondly, my mom had done my make-up in a classic look and I had no clue who I was without my layer of Avril Lavigne style raccoon eyeliner. I did not look or feel pretty. I was infuriated at the boys wolf whistling and insisting I must be a new student who didn't go to their school when I walked across campus with my mom to take and pay for the stupid pictures. I was the same blue-haired psuedo-skateboarder the boys had called "freak" and "weirdo", even if my hair was it's natural brown. I sat down to take the pictures, the photographer adjusted the lighting, then she looked at me and gasped.
"You're so beautiful". She looked at my mom. "She looks like Halle Berry. She's even prettier than Halle Berry."
My mom and I laughed about it in the car on the way home. On the one hand, I knew she was bestowing a compliment on me -- one that I wasn't sure how to accept. I mean, of course I politely said thank you in the moment. But, the fact of the matter was I was in the throes of teenage years low self-esteem and I didn't think I was pretty at all, let alone prettier than Halle fucking Berry. On the other hand, my mom and I both knew I didn't bear any resemblance to Halle Berry at all. We'd seen B.A.P.S. at least ten times, among countless rewatches of The Last Boy Scout. I did not look like Halle Berry. The photographer didn't mean anything by it, and I didn't hold anything against her. She wasn't the first to make such a clueless comparison, and she wouldn't be the last.
The fact of the matter is; everyone is a little bit racist, just like the Avenue Q song says. Well. Bigoted. Racism requires a power structure, but that's a discussion for another blog post. The thing is (and here's a lengthy article about it) people just can't recognize people of other races and so...they think we all look alike. I've heard that I look like Beyoncé, Aaliyah, Audra McDonald, Bianca Lawson, Anika Noni Rose, and Princess Tiana. The only one I give a little credence to is Aaliyah, and that's highly dependent upon what I'm wearing, what color my hair is, what face I'm making, and the lighting. (And Audra McDonald BUT ONLY as Garderobe in Beauty and the Beast - there was something similar to the way I do my makeup in that movie). The only thing that those women and I really have in common is being beautiful black women. And hey, I'll take the compliment! You think they're pretty and you think I'm pretty! And that's totally fucking rad. But. But. It's inaccurate. And weird. And just a little bigoted. All beautiful black women don't look alike. We come in a variety of shapes, sizes, colors, and styles. It used to drive me up the wall in the early 2000's when people said I looked like FeFe Dobson - I don't. She's just the only other black punk rock chick people could think of. (I also thought she was a poser back then, but I was young and dumb and bought into social constructs like "posers").
There's only one celebrity comparison I've actually put stock in - I got told I look like Billie Piper and I nearly dropped my phone when the text came in, because GODDAMN. The lower half of our faces are ridiculously similar. I was also very touched because someone looked at ME; my features and saw them. Not a skin color or a prejudice or a preconceived notion. I once dated a guy who made it a point to tell me I was the first black girl he had ever dated and brought it up more than once - - which should have been a giant red flag, but I was younger and less woke back then. He was also slightly hung up on his ex, and I, of course, found her social media. Lo and be-fucking-hold - she and I looked very similar; big doe eyes, prominent noses, round full lips - she was just white and blonde where I was black and dark haired. It's...unnerving how rarely people actually see, I mean really SEE each other.
The point I'm making here; while laden with trifle about celebrity look alikes, is when you look at someone, don't just look at them. Take the time to SEE them. Don't look at a young black man and see a thug. Don't look at an asian man and think Jackie Chan. Don't look at a blonde white girl and assume she loves The Bachelor. The world really fucking sucks right now, and it's up to us, person to person, to make it suck less.
/Soapbox.
Until next time.
xo.
Side by side tho. Look at this shit, man. Twinsies!