2019 sucked. That’s the long and short of it, and why I haven’t felt like writing a recap. I don’t think this will be a very long entry, because of that. In the micro scale - 2019 was a very difficult year and I spent most of cradling deep grief and in survival mode. On a macro scale - summing up a decade is impossible. Particularly when you consider than 2010-2020 was the bulk of my 20s.

Being in your 20s is a very odd and complex experience - you’re not a child, but you’re definitely not grown either. I learned more than I ever cared to. For the entire decade, I can admit looking back, that I always felt like I was in flux. Every time I thought I had things figured out the rug was pulled from under me and things changed. Nothing was constant. Friendships, relationships, jobs, goals. living situations. Once things were stable, they changed again and again and again. Over and over and over again, I was forced to ask myself who I was and what I wanted… and that’s okay. Honestly, it’s ideal.

I, as a spirit and a light being, came to this earth, at this time, this way, to have a human experience. And how fun would that be if I had everything figured out? It wouldn’t be very human. I appreciate everything I’ve gone through and I have respect and gratitude for it - while understanding that not all of it was beautiful or lovely, or what I thought I wanted. Not all of it was kind, not all of it was fun, but it was mine and I am this person because of it. Thank u, next.

2019 had big ‘Thank u, next'‘ energy. I have no shame about what I endured or how I handled it - in fact, I’m rather proud of myself. I chose myself in 2019, in a radical, beautiful, and loving way. It’s something to celebrate. And while I will celebrate how I’ve changed in the last year and in the last decade - I don’t want to dwell in them. I’d prefer to look forward.

I hadn’t been feeling like myself when 2020 started. Rather than attempting to get back to old versions of myself, I’ve decided to find out who this new person is. My hair is pink now and probably will be for a long time. I’ve started working out and getting into movement again. I am chasing some dreams. I have some big plans and goals. While working on moving myself forward, I’m also allowing myself to surrender to divinity and whatever the universe has in store for me,

Until next time.

I had every intention of writing an end of the year post the last week of 2017, as per the usual here, but that week just blew right by me. Then it was January. And it was January. And it was still January. This January lasted forever and it just felt so...dull. Like the whole world was in an unwanted hibernation. Which, it sort of is.

January is for processing - winter is a time of grounding, incubation, hibernation. I think most of us want to wake up on January 1st a whole new person, with new goals, ready to attack the world. All I woke up with on January 1st was a slight headache from all the vodka and gin I had drunk the night before, and a sore arm where my best friend's pit bull had fallen asleep on top of me. Change takes time. January and the early months of the year are about letting the the seeds of our intentions bed in and begin to grown in our minds and our hearts. We calm down from the frantic excited energy at the end of the year and let our thoughts and dreams for the coming year really cement. And that doesn't always require action. If actions come, wonderful! But, there's a whole year ahead of for manifesting your dreams, and I think sitting quietly with them for a while was an important part of my process.

We're now at the end of what was a beautiful, if not taxing, February and I feel a little surer of what I want 2018 to feel like, and ready to take the whole year getting there. I'm giving myself space to grow, and as I turn 30, space to celebrate what I've already done. As I look over my ideas, and outline loose plans, I find it best to remind myself of a few things - affirmations to remind me of who I am, lest I get discouraged.

I am strong and ready.

I have already accomplished great and difficult things.

I am more powerful than I can imagine.

Good things are wanted for me.

I am supported and loved.

What have you been up to this cold and slow winter? What goals are you setting and working on? How have you affirmed yourself?

Until next time.