Well, well, well…
My traditional end of the year (decade) recap didn’t happen. I’m having a hard time getting around to it and centering my thoughts about 2019 as a year, and the decade as a whole. There’s a lot to process and attempt to put into words, and I’m just not there yet. 2019 was one of the hardest years of my life, and I’m not quite sure how to conceptualize the entirety of my twenties, which is basically what 2010-2020 was for me. I’ll work on focusing on my feelings, writing, and posting, eventually. In the mean time, I’d like to talk about something near and dear to my heart - social media.
Social media can be an awful, awful thing. It can turn into a microcosm of the worst of our society. Fake news, alt-right radicalization, the comment section, etc, etc. It can be extremely shallow. People only posting their highlight reel, '“doing it for the ‘gram”, influencers lying for profit, and on and on. Social media gives everyone a voice and a platform - but that makes everyone think their opinion is just as valid as FACT and the opinions of experts in their fields, which just isn’t the truth. Social media is just a reflection of the people who use it, and well…people can be monster. Social media can be a cesspool.
However, I choose to see it as magic. I choose to see life as magic. People are intensely interesting creatures and capable of some of the most wonderful things, and social media can be a tool to exercise our greatness. Social media can be a tool to bring people together and foster genuine relationships. One of my favorite influencers, @stephishappening posted beautifully and eloquently about this last year, “100 years ago people married someone who lived, on average, 2 blocks from their house. I like to think of this fun fact when I hear people trashing social media. Because first of all, I met my husband online. I hand selected him from thousands of suitors like a fucking princess. He lived an hour away, and I don’t see how we would have met without what online dating was in 2009. Without Jeff, I wouldn’t have become a photographer. I wouldn’t have made an instagram to post my Disney photography. And I wouldn’t have begun to share my story with all of you. I grew up thinking I was the only one whose dad was an alcoholic. I was the only one with a family like this. Social media has connected me with thousands of you who have been in the same situation. Without it, I would have had to go to AA meetings for years and be very aggressive to meet that many people. It has helped save me. Knowing as much as I do, it’s hard to believe in any sort of magic. But social media? It’s magic to me. We are living in The Age Of Information. The Internet was invented to give us a place to write our history from the lived perspective and not the oppressor. To expose how those in power have organized and treated the world. To connect us by the things we have in common. It’s magic. The earths human population went thousands of years not knowing who was 100 miles away. Then, If you knew someone far away, a letter was the best way to reach them. It took weeks to get to them. We have never been this linked and I refuse to let baby boomers who are scared of everything and let it manifest as shame, ruin something that is literal magic and has saved me. Don’t let your friends trash talk social media. Defend why it’s helped you. Don’t let them perpetuate that narrative because they’re using the platforms wrong. Social media connects us.”.
Just like Stephenie, social media has changed and saved my life. From Yahoo! groups, to greatestjournal, to livejournal, to beta testing MySpace, social media has been my safe haven since my early teenage years and it means a lot to me. Because of the internet and social media I’ve been exposed to music, books, movies, television shows, and art that I never would have known about otherwise. I’ve met people and made friends when I had none. I’ve connected with friends and people that I was afraid to talk to in person. I’ve learned histories and truths that aren’t available in textbooks. I’ve learned that I love science, because of the internet and social media, when school had me convinced I was stupid and bad at it. I’ve visited places and gone to events that I never would have heard of without Buzzfeed and Facebook events. I’ve fallen in love because of social media, thanks online dating. Social media allows me to “be” with people, when, as an introvert, it’s not always easy to “be” with people. I can make and deepen relationships from in the dark, under the covers. Social media and the internet are two of the greatest, if not the greatest, tools to come out of the 20th century.
But, social media is only as good as the person using it. “Be the change you want to see in the world” - be the social media user you want to see in the world. I choose to use social media as a tool for connection and a place to be honest and vulnerable in order to foster that connection. My Instagram story and my Facebook feed are mixtures of mental health tips, irreverent jokes, social justice facts, pop culture recommendations, and my random thoughts and musings. I post the things that I like to see. I post the things that I need when I’m in a dark place. I post the things that make me think and laugh and amuse me. I understand that social media isn’t my diary, it’s not even my blog, but I can still use it to process my thoughts and feelings with people that I care about. I’ve got a voice. And I think it's irresponsible not to use that voice. I've always been the type of person who has something to say and speaks with intention and conviction. Why would I waste that? Using social media gives me the potential to reach thousands, from my couch. Blogging, podcasting, YouTube, social media has always just spoken to me. Maybe it's part of that gothpunk DOY aesthetic. I don't need to bow down to the man to get my message out. I don't have to work hard to find an audience and cater to it - I can slap a hashtag on it and move on. And yeah, sometimes I end up screaming into the void. But I need that and it's worth it to me, especially if there’s the chance that I can use social media to help others. Human beings are pack animals, we don’t want to be alone. I can use social media to make myself, and those around me, feel less alone. We an use social media responsibly and honestly, to make a better online community.
Your social media experience needs to be mindful and curated. It’s not enough to be thoughtful about what you post, you need to be thoughtful about what you consume as well. And while that seems logical and obvious, I’m surprised at how many people don’t think of it that way. Which leads to them thinking that social media is toxic. First of all, don’t follow people that you hate. Don’t follow people that you mildly dislike. Even if it’s family, or someone you know in person. Even if it’s someone that you like when you’re face to face with them. If their social media usage or persona is grating on you, stop following them. And that includes me. I can be a lot, and I’m well aware of it. Unfollow me, I won’t take it personally. Stop stalking your ex partners and your frenemies. Don’t read the comments. Ever. Someone is always in the comments with that bullshit. Just, don’t do it. Don’t feed the trolls and don’t get into comment wars. Arguing on the internet has rarely, if ever, changed anyone’s mind. It just makes you upset and raises your blood pressure. Don’t read dumb shit. If you wouldn’t read tabloids in the grocery store, why are you visiting that website? Only read things from reputable sources. If you’re in groups, only join groups that you vibe with. Just because you have the shared belief that Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss are engaged, doesn't mean that these are the Kaylors for you. Social media is yours. The way I use social media works. At least for me. Curating my experience and posting with vulnerability works. People message me all the time with gratitude for what and how I post - and I'm thankful for them. I'm glad I can help people and be there for them, in a way that isn't intrusive and that feels good for both of us.
Mindful as I am, and as much as I love social media, my relationship with social media is precarious at the moment. I’m not sure I want to keep using it. Without getting into the particular incidents and situations, I feel like I’m being both silenced and punished. Instagram and Facebook are actively suppressing minority content creators. I’d been suspecting I was shadowbanned, and then my account was reported. Because I was reported and my content was removed, Instagram has been watching my account and my reach has been suppressed and limited. My whole account could potentially be banned. If I don’t have reach or engagement, that actively effects what kind of streaming, hosting, blogging, and YouTube gigs I can book. Instagram has also removed my ability to do branded content partnerships, neither myself or brands I partner with can use my posts as ads. I’ve had a good month or two of people telling me how to use my social media, or why the way I use social media is wrong, and I’ve…had enough. I’m not stepping away at all, I just to recontextualize how I use it and how I respond to others.
The world is just getting more internet based. Not only did I make my last doctor's appointment online, but for the last four months I've actually been utilizing an online therapist. When was the last time you talked to a person to order food instead of using Doordash or Postmates? When was the last time you went into a store instead of going to Amazon? The internet isn't a replacement for face to face human interaction, but it is a good suplement. All you have to do, is be real. Just be real. And seek out real experiences. That's possible online and it's what we should all be striving for.
So, on that note, be mindful and protect your magic. It’s what I’m doing.
Until next time.
XO.
